I’m not into “love”… but I am.
I think it’s cute when couples really love each other- beyond the Instagram pictures, past the viral proposals, days after the cute gifts are given, and especially after the honeymoon phase is over. I think it’s cool when couples say they are in love but most importantly, I think it’s important when people know the true definition of love. You see, when you ask teenagers how they know they love their “partner”, their answer is often, “you just feel it”. Honey, love isn’t a headache which you just feel- or at least I don’t think so. Infatuation is what you feel, but love is what you choose.
First, let me start of by saying that I think there’s a timeline for stuff like this. I believe that when you first meet someone, those butterflies and admiration of their physical characteristics are just symptoms of a fancy word called infatuation. If we’re being honest, the word “infatuation” sounds way more intriguing than “like” right? I mean come on, imagine getting a slip of paper in third grade saying, “I am infatuated with you. Are you infatuated with me too?”. Lol I’m sure if you didn’t know the definition then, their use of that word alone would’ve definitely impressed you enough to be “infatuated” as well. Moving on, as you get to know who someone is, you fall in love with them. You enjoy their presence, conversation, care for you, all that nice stuff. I have read that the first six to eighteen months is when physical and sexual attraction are at an all time high (honeymoon phase), so if you get past this, there’s more to that person that you are seeking. However, I don’t believe it’s enough to just “fall in love” because if you can fall into it, then you can definitely get up and jump right back out. According to Dr. Armin Zadeh, the “falling in love” phase is just nature’s way to jump start a relationship. If we think this is love, we will inevitably be disappointed. This phase usually lasts 2-4 years which is why there is peak in the incidence of relationship break ups after that many years. Therefore, I feel that for your “love” to last, you must LEARN to love someone, not just what they show you but what they try to hide as well.
THAT is agape love- a selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional love. That kind of love is a choice. Why? Because it takes a person that’s fully devoted to reject multiple offers of pleasure from other individuals although their partner may never find out. It takes a person who is humble to express their weaknesses and accept criticism in order to make them strengths. It takes a person who is mature to still treat someone with utmost respect and care even when they do something they don’t particularly like. It takes a simple “yes I do” or “no I don’t” to commit someone- it’s not by force which is why I believe that to love is a choice you make everyday.
According to Mirriam Webster, love is defined as three things: strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties, attraction based on sexual desire, or affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests.
According to the Bible, love is patient and kind. It does not envy, boast, and dishonor others. It is not proud, self-seeking or even easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Overall, love never fails. When everything passes away, it will remain the greatest thing left.
According to the Qur’an, love is earned, rewarded, steadfast, reliance on God, not obsessive, intimate, fair, purity, irreplaceable, addictive, does not decay or corrupt as well as many other things. One thing that I specifically picked up while searching for an answer as to what love is is that “to love is difficult“.
According to Dr. Armin Zadeh, love is a lasting, committed state, which requires our active involvement. In “The Forgotten Art of Love”, he defines love as the urge and the continuous effort for the happiness and well being of somebody. This shows that while love involves powerful feelings, commitment is a critical component of it as well.
He also mentions in Hamlet that love is begun by time and time qualifies the spark and fire of it. Finally, he states in Twelfth Night that love sought is good, but given unsought is better.
It’s crazy, from these different sources during different times, their definitions of love all seem warm and nice once achieved but not easy yet worth it to maintain. So now do you still think it’s a thing you just “feel” or rather a choice you make? Use these definitions and descriptions to determine that for yourself and feel free to share.
This year, I am set on exploring and learning about different types of love*, problems with them, and solutions to ultimately help us all people who understand how to emit and receive true love. This series will be called “.EVOL” and will have several posts in it. If this isn’t your sort of thing and doesn’t spark your interest, there will be other things coming soon but trust me, I’ll be doing some good research for this** and you won’t want to miss it.
Until, next time?
*In this article, I somewhat focused mainly on relationship love.
**I would cite my sources for information presented in this article but then again, there’s Google, am I right?
“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.”
– Ann Landers
Dunamis Diaries 